Avoiding the Rabbit Hole
This poem is written for my sisters in the faith who have been waiting for the right one, but deceived themselves along the way; deceived into thinking that the creation can perform to the abilities of the Creator. So they gave their whole self up and now they’re torn: their heart in their hands, shredded, with wounds that only the Creator can heal. But sister, you have learned. And I pray that you are redirected to the Lover of your soul who was there all along.
I will not waste
My time mourning you
Mulling over moments
That suggested that we could be.
I will not waste
My energy towards being guilty
Playing back in hind sight every sign
I should have seen.
I will not waste
My tears on you
The muscle memory and contours of your vessel
Whose shape complements mine.
I will not waste
My stress
Creating hypothetical scenarios
Where we would be perfectly intertwined.
But I find it rather hurtful
To go against my intuition
that forewarned your immaturity,
A resounding reminder of your (in)capacity to lead… in the ways of God.
God.
Whom I love so dearly watches as I betrayed His heart yet again
Deceiving myself into thinking that satisfaction and joy is on the other side of this fleeting pleasure
Because it is fleeting
And on the other side I’m here left with my heart in my hands
Empty.
Because I have assigned meaning to a created being in the place of the Creator
The Creator
Watching and waiting for me longingly to understand
That only He holds the keys to my satisfaction
He knows what makes me tick
He knows what makes me laugh
He is completely open, honest, and transparent with me
And even when I have offended Him
He is ready to take me back again with arms just as wide
Like a hopeless romantic,
In whom I have my hope.
I will use this time to return to my first Love
Because He’s the one that knows me best anyway.
I will invest this time
In trusting myself the first time
Because my intuition be on point.
And I will trust this time
That my Creator, my Keeper, the Lover of my soul knows best.
