Something's Gotta Die
Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.
John 12: 24 New American Standard Bible (NASB)
I have always heard this verse in passing but, like anything Jesus has said, this verse is esoteric; it would often go over my head if my heart isn’t prepared to receive it. Much like any ancient or contemporary wisdom, unless your heart is prepared to receive it, you will not understand. The Bible has this amazing ability to demonstrate this axiom. At this point in my life, never has a verse rung so true.
One of the most important things I learned about this verse is this: you cannot enter a new phase in your life without shedding old habits. Something’s gotta die. You can try your hardest to enter the new season with the old habits, but you will not sustain the new because the old will be a repellent to the new.
Life challenges can appropriately serve as character builders, providing an opportunity for the internal change to take effect. Only you can accurately identify what cannot stay: Be it your victim mentality, deceptive tendencies, your lax behavior, your skeptical disposition, your evasive propensities, your (ir)rational insecurities, your tendency to dominate, or your insatiable need to be updated on the “tea.” This list is extensive but nonexhaustive.
All of these habits seem toxic to the naked eye but how many times have we justified such behavior to stay the same? We would say things like, “I’m not gossipping, I’m just keeping myself well informed…” or “I’m not controlling, I just know what can go wrong…” How many times have we squirmed out of the opportunity for character development? Because if you really think about it, they all have a common root: pride. Pride can dupe us into thinking that we can do so much better by ourselves and not subjecting ourselves to God’s leadership. We, therefore, resort to using some variation of the aforementioned actions to either protect ourselves or secure our “bag,” when in reality they are doing a lot more harm than good. 2019 was that year for me. I was exposed to myself in a mighty way - LOL.
I know I am not alone in saying that 2019 was A YEAR. Doing a playback of the year in my mind, I reminisce on the amount of prayer, tears, work, reading, self sacrifice, discipline, disorganization, mishaps, and tough decisions that painted that year. I was relieved to be on the other side of the things that had 2019 as their expiration date. At the same time, so many beautiful moments adorned 2019. 2019 brought with it an impressive unfolding in my spiritual life; I made memories with people I wouldn’t have otherwise imagined; I created (and still am creating) a godly, grounded community of women and have learned so much from them; I connected myself with mentors who have enhanced my relational, spiritual, and ministerial intelligence. 2019 taught me a lot about humility, strength under control, the courage to create and reinforce boundaries, the wisdom to communicate relationally without coming off as a know it all, the nuances of communication, actually valuing process by laying the bricks of consistent work instead of bulldozing my way through situations, and speaking truth with a whole lot of grace.
If I had to put 2019 in one word, it would be “incubation.” Drawing on my limited knowledge of biology, I believe this word fits the bill. In biology, incubation is a necessary process used to yield the highest level of growth of a desired specimen, namely a bacteria. The growth of said bacteria is heavily contingent upon the environment that it is placed in. The aim is for the bacteria to proliferate in the most favorable environment, under the most favorable conditions — of which temperature and air quality play a factor. The scientist, having an intimate knowledge of the bacteria and its suitable factors for growth, would store the bacteria culture in an incubator. The incubator — a closed and controlled environment — is preset to the temperature required for this culture of cells to reproduce successfully. The incubator is away from everything else to protect it from the elements of nature that can disrupt its developmental period. It ensures the bacteria is given exactly what it needs to grow under the most favorable conditions conducive to the bacteria’s development.
God directed me to my incubator: a church and community very well grounded in the Word that shared with me their practice of the Word. They sharpen me, correct me, and ultimately propel me into a personal relationship with God. My schooling was another factor: my academic interests led me to learn about the people I am called to spend my life serving. When you’re in an incubator, you’re essentially in hiding. This is the environment God knew I needed to be in for me to grow and develop at an accelerated rate. Under the safety of His protection I worked through private battles, detrimental habits, thought processes, and behaviors in a closed environment with safe people. It was in those intimate moments I learned that I needed to let pride and self-dependence die in my life to possess other characteristics that culture humility and wisdom. Away from the elements. God provided the environment, but ultimately it was my responsibility to change.
You may possess amazing qualities that need to be refined, but qualities can only be refined under pressure. Wilderness seasons and rough patches are instrumental in this regard. On the other side, you are able to handle, manage, and produce more. Refocusing our attention to this Bible verse: in order for the seed that is planted to become a fully grown tree, the seed must first die in order to produce fruit. Prayerfully it’s fruit for the better because we have folk that produce in other extreme in the negative direction … but we won’t go there.
In order to enlarge your capacity, a removal — a “death” — must take place.
Are you willing to let things die and submit yourself to process? Some people probably think that their life is perfect as is for whatever reasons/justifications they can provide. But are you willing to play it safe at the expense of not fulfilling your God given purpose? Can you live with the fact that you knew in your heart that there is more to your life? The gnawing possibility that eats at you, while you wonder what it would have been like had you went with your “gut” and dared to heed to its tugging. It may scare you, but what’s even scarier is staying the same.
If you are indeed saying “yes” to safe, please disregard. But if you want more, there is a price for purpose. There is a required pain and expense to purpose. This may not sound so reassuring, but I strongly urge you not to deny your opportunity for more. Don’t let this year be just another year. Let your single seed die. Subject yourself to process and watch as you produce fruit in due time.
Signed, Dani J.
